ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
