I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
