I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
