I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
