apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize