Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
