Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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