Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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