can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
