Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
