i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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