wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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