broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
