i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
