You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
