a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I supernannyed him into submission
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
