last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
