Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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