So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
