wrigley field is MILF paradise
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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