I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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