If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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