the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
