how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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