Nicole vs. Life
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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