Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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