I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
