you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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