i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
