sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
a search helicopter?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
