you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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