found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
