Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize