Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
