I heard we made out
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
