The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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