does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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