I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
