Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
