I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
