She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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