Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
