its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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