You can't motorboat a personality
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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