Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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