I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
