I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
