I could have mohawked her pubes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
