I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
