The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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