I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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