Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
