I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
