They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
