is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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