It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
