i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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