we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
