All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Having a random hookup so left but love u
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
