What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
