just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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