so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
