Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
