it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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