To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
