he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
