If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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