Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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