you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We're too hungover to prance.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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