You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
